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The story of Yurate Vorob’yova
There are some periods in our life which we call streak of bad luck. This is the time when in all spheres of life, in family, at work failure come one after another, everything around falls to pieces and slip out of hands. If it lasts long enough you may surely expect some problems with health.
That was the time when my work brought me not a slightest joy. I had to persuade myself to do anything useful so that they paid for it. Otherwise they would simply dismiss me. My depression was deep to such an extent that the thought of two children whom I had to raise and support had no effect on me.
The relations with my husband were awful. His groundless jealousy came to its height. If he saw me simply talking politely with other man, he could kill me in a direct sense of word. My husband was unlucky with jobs, and I, despite my depression, earned much money. though I frittered away my money, mainly for my own joy, and without use for my family.
To make the things worse there appeared serious problems with my daughter. Very strange visions began to appear in her. She got into some obscure world and there she experienced quite unusual states. She asked me of help, but I did not know what to do, because the doctors would diagnose mental disorder, besides, I did not believe in the existence of the other world which was not scientifically proved.
I never referred myself to deeply believing people, though in spite of the bans in soviet times all religious holidays were celebrated in our family. I was baptized in childhood and accepted the first komuniya 1. I remember myself in the age about ten when having climbed on high steps of the house from which I could see another part of a district beyond the river, I often asked God to help us, so that the peace came to our home. But it all was in vain.
We all, the three families, lived at our grandpa. The men from time to time went on a drinking bout for some weeks or even more. I saw how the delirium tremens is going on with drinking people, I knew all its symptoms. There were endless rows at home. Up to twelve at night we should hear out abuse and blames of a drunken stepfather. It was very hard to study in such conditions. Stepfather could squander on drink all his money and then we the three of us had to live on mother’s small salary of a state clerk, we could hardly make both ends meet. But no matter how I prayed God, changes were too small. Besides, there were the lessons on the atheism and I ceased believing, as no miracle occurred in my life.
Anyway, a man must believe in something! So, when a hardship came and the belief in God was absent, I started my search for help from fortune tellers and esoterism, I hoped that they would gladden me and tell that all the bad wouldl soon finish and better times would come. What advice and stories have I not heard! Should I follow those advices, I do not think I would be able to write now of my turning points.
The problems with daughter alerted me as a mother and put on my daughter’s guard.I had to come out of two-year depression and start to immediately take some measures and to change much in life, because the visions that bothered a girl were like the alarm bell. I knew intuitively that if I appeal to doctors, they will start treating her with medicines and they may put her to mental hospital. Mother’s intuition told me that I should look for non-standart solutions. I think that when a man takes some serious and unconditional decisions, then the chains of events begin composing such way that the help comes for sure. There come the thoughts, which lead to right decision and to the way out of seemingly hopeless situation.
I got an advice to go to some orthodox church and ask batiushka Peter of help. It was rather a problem for non-practicing Catholic to go to church. The thought of the difference of religions and even Gods was inserted into my mind earlier. But there were no choice, and I went. More than a year I went to church and prayed for four hours as it is the custom. Sometimes if I could, I came to pray in Saturday and on weekdays during a lunch break. I was listening to his sermons, but noticed that human flaws are also inherent in batiushka and that some situations he estimates rather subjectively at times. I would rather have something more.
A reader, probably awaits the phrase “Here the miracle happened – everything set right”. My attending church and that I started to pray again can really be called miracle, but the situation with my daughter did not improve. I started the divorce proceedings which lasted about two years. And after this we still had to live in the same flat. In my free time I started to do the things of which I dreamt so long and which brought me joy. I again opened for myself the world of music and books. My inner state began changing and this certainly had a beneficial impact on children. New friends came, new interests.
In spite of all I tried to change very much, tried to pay more attention to children, to spend more time at home and less at work. And once, while visiting my friends I was offered to read one book, which described the life of the Teachers in Himalayas. It was very interesting, but its reading was slow; much should be reconsidered,so as it differed greatly from the patterns imposed by the society; the book represented the world and its true values in a new way.
I got a great wish to find the true Teacher. But the fact that I will have to search for him in Himalayas did not gladden me because at that time it was impossible for me due to financial problems. Anyway I did not have to wait long. About four months have passed and I learned that a group of people is going to Moscow for meeting with the Teacher, but when I learned the membership of the group, I decided that I am not worth of such meeting. The majority of those people practiced spirituality for a long time, while I made my first steps, but eventually it turned so that I went together with them. Much was new and sometimes unclear.
The amazing chain of events was being composed: first the Catholic began to go to church and prayed so diligently that at times she got the wish to retire to nunnery, but the children stopped, and then the meeting with the Teacher who is from India… If there is a great God’s mercy, the miracles come into our life, though we are not always ready to understand them.
At our first personal meeting the Teacher told me that I would come to him and gave me mantra. His words proved, I really began to travel to Moscow, to listen to satsangs and to go to darshans. I was listening and tried to remember what should a man be like and what we should do for moving further into spiritual side, what for we came to this world and what our true predestination is.
When I was very hard, I wished some alterations in life. But when listening satsangs I started to understand that the changes should occur not in your former husband, at your work and relations but first of all in you yourself. And I did my best to change myself. It was very difficult seeing that for changing one should not only listen to satsangs of the Teacher, but to recognize that you have shortcomings and to work over them everyday.
To come to the Teacher from another country, moreover in difficult financial time is not a simple thing, but when the strong wish used to come, then the possibility appeared: here I would find an old stash kept secret for a rainy day, there would come some award at work, and at times a rationally figured out budget would help. Probably, the most miracle wonder is that my children also had the opportunity to come one day to meeting to Guru Ji. And the main – my daughter who had got big problems, recovered and finished school with honours.
Now we again all together and not simply living in one flat, but live a full-fledged family life. Guru Ji’s advice helped me a lot. All this, however, demands constant practice, patience and wish. My husband watching my inner changes began tolerantly look at my journies to the Teacher. He does not go to him, but met him in our native city. I cannot say that everything is perfectly nice and I am living in clover. Now I also come across with serious problems, only I do not see them so insoluble, and situations – hopeless, so as I know that my Teacher is with me: He will always give some piece of advice and give the key to the solution.
I recollect the times when I appealed to fortune-tellers and to esoterism. They told me about my future and my prospective; they persuaded me that because of the polar difference and the disposition of planets we cannot live together with my husband. I see now what happened really. I am sure now that they were mistaken seriously, because thanks to Guru Ji’s advice everything changed. We not only live under one roof, but could also intensify our feelings and raise them to a higher stage. Being changed inside a man changes the world around him, only one should diligently work at it: and very important is not stop at the achieved. No attainments come to me simply and quickly, but the main is that I have them.
I never stop wondering how the Teacher helps to find the true solution without speaking of my future, without telling in detail what I should do. Though, I must always chant mantra or the name of God, which help to clear the way to the Light of the Teacher. He is always beside, helps and protects, though one must want to see that. The major is not to refer all attainments to yourself, as it happens at times, only some years later you can clearly see what meant the word told by the Teacher about life situations, which could not be good or bad so as they all were life lessons and endless mercy of God. Especially in hardships you understand that these stages in spite of the immense sufferings (due to your ignorance) were the most valuable in life.
All this help even more to understand the significance of the Teacher in my life. I know inwardly that in the moment of my difficulties he is always beside and that in truth I am well. Important is to know that overcoming hardship I am getting perfect and with time passing I will understand why it is so difficult for me. The Teacher is always near and in spite of our flaws he teaches us with inexplicable patience and love how to become the true Man. And we are only to live and to learn further and always remember about great mercy and love.
Yurate Vorob’yova, Villnus, 2009
1 A man in Catholic faith is initiated twice. The first – in babyhood – the ceremony of baptizing, this choice is made by his parents. The second – in school years – the adoption of the first komuniya. To this ordinance the child is getting ready consciously: he learns prayers, regularly goes to kostel and so on.